Resources

• Alexander Rosan in Portland, OR, does deep therapeutic body work, uniquely specialized in releasing stored emotion in the body. Tell him Jake Ryder sent you :-).
• Jason Lloyd in San Francisco, CA does diagnostic based deep therapeutic body work tailored to what your body needs. Very experienced. He can be reached at (612) 817-5432

• Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin – a thorough “tour of the anus, complete with information and exercises to open the door to new sources of comfort and gratification.”
• Boy Crazy by Michael Shelton – Our behavior and desires are shaped (mostly unconsciously) by eons of evolutionary pressures. This quick, easy read helps us understand, accept, and handle our behavior and desires that contradict cultural expectations.
• Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. Vulnerability is essential to finding and maintaining love and human connection, and yet it’s often seen as a weakness in our culture. This book will help you rise above that misguided notion towards the love and connection you need.
• The Erotic Mind – Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin
• The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton – A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love. Written by women with decades of experience in polyamorous relationships, this is the go-to how-to poly guidebook. Written from a more hetero position, but still applicable across orientations.
• The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown. Authenticity is fundamental to love and connection, but is difficult in our shame ridden culture. It’s not an easy road to get there, but it’s worth the journey.
• How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety by Ellen Hendrickson – Social Anxiety is an obstacle to human connection and it can often be overcome with new habits and practice that cultivate confidence. For a free interesting article summary of this book, click here.
• The Manly Art of Seduction: How to Meet, Talk To, and Become Intimate with Anyone by Perry Brass – Includes pointers on IRL (in real life) flirting, approaching, meeting, and attracting others. Written by a gay man for gay men, but these principles are nearly universal. Take charge of who you meet, make your intentions clear, and seal the deal for future contact. Also includes seductive techniques of touch, kissing, and more.
• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg. Learning how to effectively connect with others and resolve conflicts is fundamental to the pursuit of happiness. See BayNVC (Bay Area Nonviolent Communication) under ‘Education & Information’ for a local organization that teaches this communication.
• Playing Well With Others Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington makes a great introduction for newbies looking to connect with these communities.
• The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle – An excellent primer on the practice, value, and liberating possibilities of being mindful: living in the moment instead of the past or the future. This takes us out of our heads and into our bodies, which is an important ability for intimate connection. 
• Sexual Healing by Barbara Keesling – The Completest Guide to Overcoming Common Sexual Problems
• You Are A Badass -How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero is one of many books great for building confidence and self-esteem for creating the life of your dreams.
• Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary Wilson. A convincing case that porn is like drugs, gambling, and other “vices”: moderate amounts may not be harmful, but excessive amounts can lead to serious addiction and issues like an inability to connect or be satisfied in any sexual experience that isn’t porn, dissatisfaction, ED (erectile dysfunction), extreme fetishes, and more. Our brains did not evolve to handle today’s high speed internet of endless, instant porn streaming options since 2006. Critically there is hope – many have recovered a healthy sexuality through limiting or abstaining from porn. An important read.

Unfortunately, much of our society is riddled with slut-shaming and body fascism that stifles our personal growth and fulfillment. It’s easier to overcome our culture’s sex-negativity and shame within a loving, accepting, encouraging, sex-positive community, so it’s important to foster such a social circle for yourself. While there is no such thing as a utopian community, the following are great places to start looking for like-minded people. Please send any suggestions to add here.

• Bay Area Community BDSM Events Calendar
• California Men’s Gathering “embraces diversity among men, including race, culture, socioeconomic or HIV status, age, body type, physical ability, education, financial circumstances, birth gender, gender fluidity, sexual orientation, beliefs, and spiritual practices. CMG fosters a safe, supportive, welcoming community where men challenge themselves to develop their emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual and physical lives – with as much fun as possible along the way.” They hold weekend getaways several times each year and local events. thecmg.org (can you find my face on the homepage?), and bay area events can be found on meetup.com
• The Citadel Community Center in San Francisco is a hub for BDSM community, events, workshops, and more.
• Comfort & Joy is a Burning Man camp and queer community and arts collective based in San Francisco. Their values of sex-positivity and being “welcoming of people as they are” allows folks of all shapes, sizes, and ages to generally feel more comfortable and welcome than many other LGBT social environments. They hold special events in San Francisco throughout the year. www.playajoy.org. Join the facebook group for timely information about their special events (which often sell out).
• Discovery Community provides, for queer men, “ongoing opportunities for social connection, personal growth, and community development to develop long lasting relationships that support ourselves through various personal and societal changes over time.” They hold social events in the Bay Area and some weekend retreats nearby. They can be found on meetup.com.
• Flesh and Spirit is a San Francisco based “community of queer men on an ecstatic path of transformation” that is “committed to changing queer lives by touching skin, opening hearts and raising spirit.” fleshandspirit.org
• The GLBT National Resource Database: The largest collection of GLBT resources on the web: GLBTnearme.org
• Meetup.com is a great place to look for likeminded community.

Review the other topics on this page (e.g. Books, Hotlines, Community & Events, etc.) for additional sources of education & information not duplicated in the following list:

• Bay Area Community BDSM Events Calendar includes a range of learning experiences.
• BayNVC (Bay Area Nonviolent Communication) – offers a range of opportunities to learn and practice this liberating and empowering form of communication that enables you to resolve difficult conflicts and connect in a meaningful way with others. Based on Marshall Rosenberg’s book, included above: Nonviolent Communication.
• The Body Electric School – “the leader in erotic education” with workshops and retreats available locally and afar.
• The Citadel Community Center in San Francisco is a hub for BDSM community, events, workshops, and more.
• Flesh and Spirit is a San Francisco based “community of queer men on an ecstatic path of transformation” that is “committed to changing queer lives by touching skin, opening hearts and raising spirit.” They offer many workshops.
• The GLBT National Resource Database: The largest collection of GLBT resources on the web: GLBTnearme.org
• Kink University offers online and in-person education related to BDSM.
• Mr. S Leather, 385 8th Street, San Francisco holds special events and classes in store. Stop by or call to ask how you can find out more. This is the megamall of male sex, kink, toys, gear, and more.
• San Francisco Sex Information provides free, confidential, accurate, nonjudgmental information about sex: (415) 989-7374 or ask-us@sfsi.org

• San Francisco’s Suicide Prevention Suicide/Crisis Line: (415) 781-0500
• San Francisco’s Suicide Prevention Drug/Relapse Line: (415) 362-3400
• Institute on Aging’s Friendship Line for the Elderly: (415) 752-3778
• SF Child Abuse Prevention Center’s Parental Stress/TALK Line: (415) 441-KIDS
• C.H.A.L.K.’s National Youth Line: (888) 977-3399
• LGBT Hotline: ​888-843-4564
• LGBT National Youth Talk Line: (800) 246-7743
• California AIDS Hotline: (415) 863-AIDS
• AIDS/HIV Nightline: (415) 434-AIDS
• San Francisco Sex Information for free, confidential, accurate, nonjudgmental information about sex: (415) 989-7374 or www.sfsi.org or ask-us@sfsi.org
•  Translifeline.org – Crisis support hotline for transfolk.
  • US: 877-565-8860
  • Canada: 877-330-6366

• Physical Therapy: Active Care at 3019 Geary in San Francisco works with professional athletes and dancers and they fixed me up very efficiently. Highly recommended. (415) 387-6564. activecare.net
• Primary Care & HIV Specialists:  Jeffrey Manese, PA-C & William Kapla, MD are excellent gay male medical professionals whose office provides experienced, friendly, nonjudgmental service. Highly recommended. 45 Castro St. Suite 432, San Francisco CA 94114 Tel: (415) 600-4760

YouTube

• The Power of Vulnerability (21min) – Research illuminates the fundamental precursors to finding and keeping love and connection.

Movies

• Happy (2011) is an eye-opening documentary that unveils the scientific truth of what makes us happy.
• The Sessions (2012) is the true story of a partner surrogate (aka sex surrogate) helping a disabled man’s sexual development from an anxious virgin to an empowered mature sexual self. This groundwork enables his fulfilling later lovelife. A great primer to the healing power of this type of work.

• Immune-Boosting “Better than Chicken” Soup – is my go-to, miracle soup recipe that has thwarted and prevented many colds. Bonus: it’s delicious AND vegan. I suggest adding quinoa for brotein. Triple all of the ingredients with one bunch of kale and one medium squash for a big old pot and freeze portions for the future.
• Testosterone-spurring nutritional supplements that enhance male performance. These work very well for me: www.virectin.com

• Brendan Hall in San Francisco is the Love Therapist specializing in couples and individuals looking for love. Highly recommended.
• Gaylesta is a great place to find LGBTQ+ psychotherapists.

• The Kink Aware Professionals Directory is a great resource to find psychotherapeutic, medical, legal and other professionals who self-identify as being fluent in kink culture.

• Kurt Wagner in San Francisco is experienced, resourceful, and specializes in somatic and sex therapy. Highly recommended.

• Louis Stephenson in San Francisco is a licensed clinical psychologist who provides evidence-based psychotherapy for a wide range of concerns and specializes in working with gay men.

• Myles Downes, MFT in San Francisco works with a mindfulness approach with a diverse demographic.
• The Queer Couples Center in the San Francisco Bay Area is a collective of psychotherapists specializing in addressing the needs of LGBTQ+ relationships.

• San Francisco Sex Information for free, confidential, accurate, nonjudgmental information about sex: (415) 989-7374 or www.sfsi.org or ask-us@sfsi.org
• STI/STD check ups:
  • www.stdcheck.com for fast, private, affordable STI testing
  • San Francisco City Clinic in the Soma neighborhood of San Francisco: www.sfcityclinic.org
  • Strut in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco: www.strutsf.org
• Testosterone-spurring nutritional supplements that enhance male performance. These work very well for me: www.virectin.com

• Fort Troff has great online deals. Sign up for their mailing list to get weekly videos of hot studs trying out new toys.
• Good Vibrations has several locations in the San Francisco Bay Area. It caters to all genders and is an especially comfortable place for women. The staff is friendly, approachable, and very knowledgable.
• Mr. S Leather, 385 8th Street, San Francisco is the megamall of male sex, kink, toys, gear, and more. Get on their email list for invitations to special events and classes in-store.
• Phantom at 516 Castro Street in San Francisco has great stuff and great service.