Sexpertise

I help people with a wide range of issues across sex & intimacy, social skills, and kink/bdsm (detailed further). I enthusiastically enjoy clients of all shapes, ages, sizes, genders, identities, abilities, and races with a shared life experience with other gay/bi-/queer men. While I work well with many issues and personalities, I’m not going to be the best fit for every person and issue. Some (but not all) situations are better addressed via psychotherapy, medical doctors, and other health practitioners, either before working with me or concurrently. My top priority is to be true to your goals, even if that means pointing you elsewhere or declining to work with you if I am not confident that my capabilities will fit your needs.

Sex & Intimacy

The sexual shame and misinformation of our culture afflicts all of us to some degree or another. This is limiting and prevents us from pursuing fulfillment and honoring our desires and disconnects us from our authentic sexuality. This can lead to a range of dysfunctions, difficulties, and dissatisfaction. I have been helpful in addressing:
 
  • Sexual health, sex technique, and practices: Open, honest, factual, and thorough sex-positive education that is based on pleasure and science rather than dogma and shame. We’ll identify and disempower cultural sexual biases and miseducation that inhibits our sexuality and creates obstacles to sexual fulfillment and connection.
  • Experiential Learning: Practice hands-on skills in touch and communication to arouse passion and desire. Improve your ability to physically and mentally connect with, stimulate, and excite yourself and others across a broad range of skills. This often includes exercises to get us out of our heads and into our bodies.
  • Sexual Dysfunctions and Difficulties: This includes addressing trauma, anxiety, lack of sexual desire or confidence, phobias, low arousal, erectile dysfunction, condom fatigue, painful intercourse, challenges to orgasm, lackluster sex, and inexperience.
  • Desires:  Exploring, finding, and understanding your desires, working through related shame or discomfort into a place of self-acceptance and love, and pursuing your desires to claim the sex life you deserve.
  • Communication & Negotiation:  Effectively communicating with partner(s) and creating a safe space for your partner(s) to communicate with you.
  • Shame and Sex-Negativity:  Our society is afflicted with an overarching negative regard for sex and sexuality (aka Sex-Negativity). This creates shame in all of us to varying degrees, which is often coped with by building protective walls that hide and stifle our true sexual selves. Sadly, this leaves us disconnected, isolated, and can lead to loneliness and depression.. We’ll work through the shame that impedes pleasure and blocks off your desires and connection to your authentic sexual self and other people.
  • Consent:  While it is clearly unethical to attempt sex with someone without their consent, we are in the midst of a cultural upheaval and debate about the granularity and acceptable paradigm of consent establishment. Proponents of ‘affirmative consent’ believe that consent must be explicitly verbally confirmed at every step of an encounter, while others complain that so many questions is a turn-off, and they suggest other paradigms for navigating consent. With so many possibilities and the laudable goal of respecting boundaries, it’s important to practice sexy ways to communicate about consent and boundaries.
  • Boundaries: Discover and convey your boundaries with clear, respectful, and even arousing verbal and non-verbal communication. Create a dialogue and invite your partner(s) to find and assert their boundaries.
 

Relationships

I can help identify habits and behavior that can limit your success in dating or existing relationships. This can include real time feedback on how you may be perceived. I can also work with you on:
 
  • Knowing yourself and your desires
  • Social Skills Relating to Others such as
    • Flirting – This can include accompanied field trips to local events to practice your flirting skills and social approaches.
    • Conversational and relational skills
    • Humor, charm, and confidence
  • Negotiating and creating alternative relationship structures such as poly or open relationships
  • Deepening intimacy through vulnerability
  • Navigating differences in sexual desires
  • Impress and attract with impactful, meaningful conversations

 

Kink/BDSM

I welcome your curiosity and interests to create an open and nonjudgmental place to explore and experience kink such as:
 
  • Learning about and understanding your kinks and fetishes.
  • Dominance and submission
  • Playing with power dynamics
  • Skills building
  • Various gear, toys, and implements to play with sensation, anticipation, and tension
  • Role play and crafting a scene
  • Leather, fisting, fluids, and more